I am here today to talk about what I’m afraid is becoming an
increasingly real threat to the fashion world.
I am here to talk about the rise of the merkins.
What, you ask, is a merkin?
This is a merkin:
Still not sure what you’re looking at? Well, it’s a wig for your nethers.
And why would one need a nethers wig?
Historically, it was worn by women who had shaved down there
to combat lice, because Brazillians weren’t in style then and it was cold. Merkins were also used by prostitutes to
disguise the presence of a disease like syphilis. Back in the day, prostitutes used to attract
johns by flashing their lady parts at passersby. Of course, they didn’t want those potential
johns knowing they were diseased, so they put on their merkins and, et voila, Sally
Streetwalker no longer looks like her lady bits are starring in The Walking
Dead.
But, Gracey, all of that was so long ago, why are you
bringing it up now?
You’re right, merkins were used back in the 15th
century, but they are actually still used today; albeit for a different
purpose. Nowadays, merkins are used mostly
by actors and actresses who adhere to today’s no-hair-anywhere grooming
standards and need some hair for a period piece. But, that is not the threat I’m speaking of.
No, I’m talking about the rise of merkin-looking bits
attached to so-called high-fashion garments.
For example, designer Stephane Rolland sent this down the
runway earlier this year:
I don’t know about you, but to me, that looks like nothing
so much as a fancy, two-tone merkin attached to a dress. With a chest merkin added for good measure.
And, then, during last week’s Project Runway All-Stars, Wendy
Pepper created this:
Yes, you are looking at a little black dress embellished with
a little lace merkin.
Marchesa also loves the addition of a lace merkin to a gown:
Although, in their defense, I guess this could be considered
a lady-bit-mustache instead of a merkin, but, is that really better?
For S/S 2013 Marchesa continued their merkin additions to
their gowns. This time around they tried
a little can’t-see-the-forest-for-the-trees misdirection, but I think we all
know what we’re looking at here:
Yep, a dress covered in Santa-merkins.
Now, if you, my Dear Reader Friends, are as appalled by this merkin-wear as I am, I beg
you, be vigilant. Don’t buy skirts,
dresses, or God forbid, pants with bits of fluff, lace or fringe attached to
the pelvis. Designers will continue to send their merkin-wear
down the runway, and if there is anything I learned from The Devil Wear Prada (aside
from Chanel = multiple necklaces), it’s that what starts in high-fashion, inevitably ends
up on the streets. So, when you see
merkin-embellished clothes creeping into the next H&M collaboration, be
strong and resist. I mean, really, do
you want to look like you and your lady bits are hiding something?
Gracey
