Distress Signals

Have you all noticed the uptick in distressed denim in retail lately?  It used to be a bit of a fringe trend and now it's all over the place.  It's available in different washes, including acid wash, different price points, from $19.99 to $690 (no, really) and in different cuts, from skinny to boyfriend.

And, of course, it's available in different levels of distress from minor shading and/or holes to I-fell-off-my-bike-and-tore-the-knees-out-of-my-jeans to full-on-honey-badger-attack:

Personally, I stick to minor distressing, but it doesn't really matter because none of the distressing looks natural anyway.  Natural distressing on me would be the inner thighs worn down to nothing; it certainly wouldn't look as if I just fought my way through a briar patch.

Unnaturally distressed or not, this trend is here to stay (at least for 2014).  So, I'm here to offer some advice on how to wear it.

Not Too Fancy, Not Too Casual, Just Right

This is my preferred deployment of distressed jeans:

Tops, L to R: Modcloth, Shop Ruche & Nordstrom
Jeans, L to R: Shop Ruche & Macy's
Sandals, L to R: Nordstrom, Modcloth & Moorea Seal

A pretty but easy top, simple shoes and mildly distressed jeans.  There is some juxtaposition between the top and the jeans, but a it's a believable juxtaposition.  I feel like if your pieces in an outfit are too oppositional, it no longer looks deliberate, it looks as if you got dressed on a dare.  I mean, sure, you can wear your ball gown with some Chucks, but I will ask you if you lost all your shoes in a fire.  I will ask sympathetically, but I will ask.

Trust me, you don't want to try to get too fancy with your distressed jeans.  These jeans cannot be dressed up.  No, that's not true, you can successfully pair them with a tuxedo jacket and heels and it will work in a certain context.  So I guess you can dress them up, but you can't take them out.  They're full of holes, for the love.  As a rule of thumb, if your destination calls for a tuxedo jacket, these jeans are too casual.  And if your destination is so casual as to warrant these jeans, then you probably shouldn't be wearing the jacket and heels.

But, of course, you also don't want to be too casual with your distressed jeans.  I mean, unless, of course you do.  Are you working in the yard?  Great, then by all means, wear your distressed jeans with a hole-y surf tee and rubber flip-flops.  But, if you're not and you wear that combination, you will look like you are and then what's the point of spending $690 on jeans?!!

What about you, Reader Friends?  Are you on board with this trend?  How do you wear your jeans?  Or does this trend just cause you distress?  (Yes, I went there).

Happy Wednesday, All!

Gracey

Trend, Trend, Go Away

I'm off work today, so I thought I'd spend some time ranting about some things.  I know I don't necessarily pay as much attention to trends as I maybe should, what with being a blogger and all.  But, I'm mostly aware of trends and I have some I like (plaid!) and some that I hate (see below).  Today we're talking about trends that I just wish would go away.


Overalls

Listen; I'm not talking about regular overalls.  I wore them in the 90s and they're fine and if another generation wants to struggle with styling a shapeless piece of clothing, more power to them.  You kids want to have to get fully undressed just to pee?  Knock yourselves out.

No, what I'm talking about are the newfangled overalls the fashion world is trying to make happen:

Overall Trends by fashionforgiantsblog featuring ASOS

Seriously, you guys, stop trying to make fetch happen.  I mean, let's talk about these.  First up, we have skinny overalls.  I'm not sure why the hell this is a thing but it needs to stop.  I think it's currently considered a fringe trend, but if it goes mainstream, it will make me all shouty and angry.  I mean, who is this flattering on? 

Don't even get me started on the sweat pant overalls.  I can tell you who those are flattering on. No one.  No one ever.

And the faux leather short-alls?  I have no words.  Well, actually, I have two: dominatrix lederhosen.



Message/Graphic Tops

Here's the what, folks.  I'm not saying you have to wear plain tees, sweaters or sweatshirts.  I have graphic tees.  I'm just saying that it's gotten out of control.  I mean, look at these:

Graphic by fashionforgiantsblog featuring a striped sweater

Wish List.  What does that even signify?  Why the hell is that something anyone would want on a sweater?  Do you write your wish list on the stripes on the arms?  Are you on someone else's wish list?  Do the kids today have a different meaning for "wish list"; am I not cool enough to get it?

And the "Super Rich" sweater; really?  Is this really how to inform the world of your great wealth?  Ugh.  I just can't.

Oh, how can I forget the "Sorry for Partying" tee?  Is this something people say?  It reminds me of something Spicoli would say; is that why it's a thing?  Did they remake Fast Times at Ridgemont High?  God, I hope not.

But, for me the piece that started it all is the Creme de la Creme sweatshirt.  That shit is just so douche-y to me; I'm glad you have a high self-esteem but that may be taking it too far.

In fact, I find this whole trend douche-y.  It's the equivalent of the stupid trucker cap trend, or Ed Hardy, or YOLO; basically, these shirts are Ed Hardy YOLO  trucker caps.  Yuck.



Ugly Effing Shoes

I hate ugly shoes.  I know there are conditions that force people into wearing special, orthopedic shoes and I know that those shoes can often be unattractive.  I'm not talking about those shoes; those shoes make perfect sense.  No.  I'm talking about shoes that are ugly for the sake of being ugly.  I'm talking about these:

The Flat Shoe Trend by fashionforgiantsblog featuring spiked sandals

Are they comfortable?  It's possible.  But, I honestly don't believe the designers were trying to make a comfortable shoe.  No, I believe that Marc Jacobs, Miuccia Prada, Isabel Marant and Celine's Phoebe Philo are in all in some sort of club where they have a bet who can get people to pay the most for the ugliest shoes.  Or, they've all been body-snatched by aliens who are trying to get us to wear ugly shoes so that we leave our cute shoes in the closet where they can be beamed into space to act as currency on the planet Zarlon X without our noticing.  I mean, it just has to be one or the other, right?

What about you, Reader Friends?  Are there any trends you want to go away?

xoxo,

Gracey