My Favorite Fashion Week Trends

I've been meaning to write this post for the past month, but I figure today is as good a day as any to talk about my favorite trends from the Fall/Winter 2014 Fashion Shows.

Sexy Rickets

First up we have a look I like to call sexy rickets.  I've personally always loved the look of bow legs, but my parents couldn't afford a horse and it's too late to dedicate years to malnutrition and the eventually bowing of my poor, malnourished bones.  Happily, the boots from Alexander Wang's Fall 2014 Ready to Wear line does the work for you, giving you the illusion of bow legs without the actual disfigurement.  Win win!

Hello, Kitty

Apparently 2014, like 2013, is going to be the Year of the Crotch.   If you're an exhibitionist, this is your year.  Several designers sent down looks that flash, embellish and otherwise present your lady bits in ways  that allow any passerby to say hello to your kitty without even having to know your name!  We have the floral faux merkin, the always-subtle crotch window, and the otherwise modest dress cut up to your hip bones.  If you're proud of your waxer and want to show off their fine, fine work, this trend is for you.

The Advertorial

This is one of the more altruistic trends (although, I guess Hello, Kitty is pretty altruistic too depending on where you wear it) to come down the runway.  Every year, companies spend millions of dollars on advertising and they may not ever recoup those monies in revenue.  That's where designers like Jeremy Scott for Moschino and Anya Hindmarch come in.  They've come up with a way to allow you, the consumer, to advertise for your favorite beer/chocolate/chips/cereal without the company having to pay a dime.  No, instead, you, the consumer, buy your favorite advertorial piece and the company gets free advertising.  If this catches on, we can save those poor companies millions of dollars a year!

Pantaloonacy

Needless to say, my thighs are all over this trend.  They believe that every woman should have thighs the size of small countries and with these pants, everyone can.  Not only do they make your hips, thighs and derriere larger, they're perfect for pairing with that newsboy cap you've been itching to wear!

Futuristic Artists' Commune

If there is anything my years of watching futuristic films have taught me, it's that we'll all be wearing soft, shapeless, soothing layers of non-colors in the future.  Well, for several designers, the future is now.  And it's taking place in an artists' commune.  Just look at these and tell me they wouldn't be equally perfect for years of deep sleep as you travel to your home on Glorgon-9 and for painting the seven moons of Glorgon-9 once you get there and join your kibbutz.  Right?  Right.

April Fools!  These are, obviously, some of the trends I found to be the most ridiculous for Fall 2014.  I'd totally take that striped Marc Jacobs bag though.  I'm just sayin.'

Happy Monday, All!

Gracey

Note: All images via nymag.com

Trend, Trend, Go Away

I'm off work today, so I thought I'd spend some time ranting about some things.  I know I don't necessarily pay as much attention to trends as I maybe should, what with being a blogger and all.  But, I'm mostly aware of trends and I have some I like (plaid!) and some that I hate (see below).  Today we're talking about trends that I just wish would go away.


Overalls

Listen; I'm not talking about regular overalls.  I wore them in the 90s and they're fine and if another generation wants to struggle with styling a shapeless piece of clothing, more power to them.  You kids want to have to get fully undressed just to pee?  Knock yourselves out.

No, what I'm talking about are the newfangled overalls the fashion world is trying to make happen:

Overall Trends by fashionforgiantsblog featuring ASOS

Seriously, you guys, stop trying to make fetch happen.  I mean, let's talk about these.  First up, we have skinny overalls.  I'm not sure why the hell this is a thing but it needs to stop.  I think it's currently considered a fringe trend, but if it goes mainstream, it will make me all shouty and angry.  I mean, who is this flattering on? 

Don't even get me started on the sweat pant overalls.  I can tell you who those are flattering on. No one.  No one ever.

And the faux leather short-alls?  I have no words.  Well, actually, I have two: dominatrix lederhosen.



Message/Graphic Tops

Here's the what, folks.  I'm not saying you have to wear plain tees, sweaters or sweatshirts.  I have graphic tees.  I'm just saying that it's gotten out of control.  I mean, look at these:

Graphic by fashionforgiantsblog featuring a striped sweater

Wish List.  What does that even signify?  Why the hell is that something anyone would want on a sweater?  Do you write your wish list on the stripes on the arms?  Are you on someone else's wish list?  Do the kids today have a different meaning for "wish list"; am I not cool enough to get it?

And the "Super Rich" sweater; really?  Is this really how to inform the world of your great wealth?  Ugh.  I just can't.

Oh, how can I forget the "Sorry for Partying" tee?  Is this something people say?  It reminds me of something Spicoli would say; is that why it's a thing?  Did they remake Fast Times at Ridgemont High?  God, I hope not.

But, for me the piece that started it all is the Creme de la Creme sweatshirt.  That shit is just so douche-y to me; I'm glad you have a high self-esteem but that may be taking it too far.

In fact, I find this whole trend douche-y.  It's the equivalent of the stupid trucker cap trend, or Ed Hardy, or YOLO; basically, these shirts are Ed Hardy YOLO  trucker caps.  Yuck.



Ugly Effing Shoes

I hate ugly shoes.  I know there are conditions that force people into wearing special, orthopedic shoes and I know that those shoes can often be unattractive.  I'm not talking about those shoes; those shoes make perfect sense.  No.  I'm talking about shoes that are ugly for the sake of being ugly.  I'm talking about these:

The Flat Shoe Trend by fashionforgiantsblog featuring spiked sandals

Are they comfortable?  It's possible.  But, I honestly don't believe the designers were trying to make a comfortable shoe.  No, I believe that Marc Jacobs, Miuccia Prada, Isabel Marant and Celine's Phoebe Philo are in all in some sort of club where they have a bet who can get people to pay the most for the ugliest shoes.  Or, they've all been body-snatched by aliens who are trying to get us to wear ugly shoes so that we leave our cute shoes in the closet where they can be beamed into space to act as currency on the planet Zarlon X without our noticing.  I mean, it just has to be one or the other, right?

What about you, Reader Friends?  Are there any trends you want to go away?

xoxo,

Gracey

Holiday Gift Guide

It's less than two weeks until Christmas, Reader Friends!  Have you done all of your shopping?  Are you not sure what to buy people?  Well, I'm here to help with my handy, dandy holiday gift guide for those hard-to-please people in your life.

1. The Cat Lover

Do you have a friend who has a cat?  Does that cat paint?  Don't you think that friend would like to know why that cat paints what it paints?  Then buy them this:

Image via Amazon - available here

Personally, if I had a painting cat, I'd LOVE to receive this book.

2. The Dog Lover

Do have a friend who has a dog?  Do they think it's little puddum-wuddem face is just the cutest ever?  Then they'll love this:

Image via amazon - available here

No, really, this is a great book.  These dogs are adorable and hilarious.

3. The Misanthropist

Do you have a friend who hates people?  Do they always complain about how so-and-so is dumber than a box of dummies?  Are they harshing your buzz with that talk?  Then try this:

Image  from and  book available at, knockknockstuff.com

It's a journal where your dear, misanthropic friend can rail against all the idiots of the world without bringing you down.

4. The Tree Hugger

Do you have a granola-eating, chicken-raising, Birkenstock-wearing tree hugger of a friend?  Do they sometimes get poked in the eye by branches on the trees they're assaulting hugging?  Then this is perfect:

Via Eve's Little Earthlings Etsy shop

It's a soft, cuddly, truly huggable tree, made from an upcycled sweater, complete with friendly little mushrooms.  And it's frickin' adorable.

5. The Best Friend

Do you  have a best friend?  Did you two have those best friend necklaces in the 90s?  Do you lament it's loss on a daily basis?  Well, here's a replacement necklace with a literary bent:

Via Out of Print Clothing

It's inspired by The Great Gatsby and is perfect for the best friend who now lives on the other side of the country.  Or just across town.

6. The Wine Enthusiast

Do you have a friend whom you adore but can't trust with a glass of red because she's ruined two tablecloths, a rug and three of your shirts?  I think you and that friend would both benefit from these:

Via amazon.com

That's right, it's a wine sippy cup.  So feel free to buy a white tablecloth again.

7.  The Stock Broker

Do you have a guy friend who thinks that storm troopers are actually pretty cool?  Is he a stock broker?  Yeah, I figured as much.  Anyway, I bet he'd love this:

Via Engram Clothing Etsy shop

It's like a stock broker-trooper!  Your friend would totally hang this in his bachelor pad.  Trust.

8.  The Exercise Fanatic

Do you have a friend who is always working out?  Is she always looking for new work outs to try?  Then I'd like to suggest this work out:

Via amazon.com

Don't worry that your friend may not have bike shorts and a mullet.  All she really needs is a large and presumably very, very patient cat.  And, as an added bonus, Catflexing also works as a gift for cat lovers!

If you still have shopping to do, hopefully this list will help you get through the rest.  And if you're already done, these items make great Birthday, Hey, It's Tuesday, and Easter gifts as well.

Happy Thursday, All!

Gracey

11 Things You Should Never Wear to Work

Who What Wear posted 11Things You Should Never Wear to Work and provided this handy infographic as a reminder:

The thing is, after looking at this, I can’t say that I agree with all of these choices.  Or maybe even any of them. 

Body-Con

I understand the inclusion of body-con on this list because the idea is not too look too sexy at work.  But, are we talking my idea of body-con or somebody else’s idea of body-con?  Because my idea of body con is a sweater dress:

Old Navy Snakeprint Sweater Dress

And sure, it’s a bit risqué, but I'd totes wear this to work.

However, somebody else’s idea of body-con might be a latex catsuit:

Darque "Rubber Look" Cat Suit via amazon.com

This, this is probably NOT okay for work.  I won’t say definitely because I don’t know your life, but probably.

Fishnets

Like latex body stockings, fishnet body stockings are probably not okay, unless your work involves you starring in a Lady Gaga video.  But, as Jess from Animated Cardigan said on Pinterest, there is a classy way to do fishnets so I wouldn’t give up on them.

Cut-Offs

Is this you?

Are you Daisy Duke?  No?  Then leave the cut-offs at home.   

What’s that?  You work in the Florida swamp as a gator-wrangler and cut-offs are not only accepted, but encouraged?  Well, then, by all means, please proceed.

Panty Lines

Here’s the thing about the office.  They want you to wear proper underpinnings (see # 11) but they don’t want to know you’re wearing proper underpinnings.  Your underthings should be like rebar in a bridge; it’s there keeping things in place, but no one sees it.

Flip Flops

Tim Gunn says no one looks sexy in flip flops.  And he’s right.  But we’re not supposed to try to look sexy at work (see # 1) so I say wear flip flops.  It’s better than having your boobs out!

Wet Hair

What?!!  This is bull$#&+!!  I go to work with wet hair all the time because I don’t use, or even own, a blow dryer.  Clearly this “rule” is meant only for people with an interest in using modern technology. 

Hats

But, if I don’t wear hats I could catch cold from riding my bike with wet hair!

Hot Pants

I personally don’t see anything wrong with Hot Pants:

I mean, I understand that inflatable clothes aren’t the most professional, but they do help to slenderize those problem areas!

Sheer

This makes me laugh because sheer was a pretty big trend last year and all of the fashion magazines were full of advice on how to make sheer work for the office.  Apparently those halcyon days have passed so put it away, kids!

Sneakers

Oh, Isabel Marant is going to be so sad about this one.  She “invented” these:

Image via net-a-porter.com

 (Please note that if I spend $700 on sneakers, I’m wearing them everywhere so I don’t look like the ass who spent $700 on shoes that are appropriate only for the weekend).

Strapless Bra

What if I like strapless bras?  What if I like the thrill of knowing one or both of the girls could just pop out at any time, without warning?  What if I like having to hike my bra up every 10 seconds?  What then, huh?  

As you can see, I don't exactly agree with everything on this list, and there are actually a couple of items I think they left off.  One is bare midriffs and two is overalls.  These two items are never okay in the office.  Well, they're not okay unless, of course you wear them together because you miss the 90s.  That pairing is obviously okay and completely work appropriate.

How about you, Reader Friends?  Do you agree with these “rules”? Anything you'd like to add to the list? 

Happy Friday, All!

Gracey

Thigh Scourge: Double Slit Skirts

Hello, Fashion For Giants Readers.  Gracey’s Thighs here.  She is out today for President’s Day so we’ve taken over her blog to talk about something that is important to us.  

There is a scourge about to be unleashed upon the thighs of the world and we feel it’s our duty to warn them.  What is this scourge we are speaking of?  Double slit skirts.  Also known as M-slit skirts.

What is an M-slit skirt, you ask?  Well, they’re skirts with double front slits, right up the thighs.

Faux Leather Skirt - image via Forever 21

Tweed Skirt - image via Douglass Hannant Resort 2013

Blu Moon Two Slit Skirt - Image via Lyst.com

While these seem to most to be a harmless, hopefully short-lived fashion trend, we thighs know better.  We know that these skirts are a government plot to keep us from establishing The People’s Republic of Thighastan.

Ever since Angelina Jolie’s thigh tried to make a very public break for it at last year’s Academy Awards, thighs have been subjected to increased governmental monitoring.  For rebellious thighs like us, this scrutiny has made it difficult to lead our freedom fighters to victory.  And now, with these double slit skirts, we can’t make any sort of movement at all without our carefully laid plans being flashed to the world.

I mean, look at these things.

She wants to eat your face.  Her dress is Alexander Wang Spring 2013.

Also Alexander Wang Spring 2013 - both images via nymag.com

In this case “M” in M-slit appears to stand for “My gyno needs a second opinion.  Have a look?”:

Jen Kao Spring 2013 - image via nymag.com

And, c’mon, people, this is just a glorified loincloth:

Michael Kors Spring 2013 - image via nymag.com

They didn’t even bother to glorify this one:

Pauline Ning Double Slit Skirt - image via Clozette

Even our most secret underground cells stand no chance against these:

Double Slit Maxi Skirt - image via asos.com

 

So, thighs of the world, if you don’t want your nascent rebellions to be crushed by this tyrannical government, resist.  Resist or end up paraded in front of the world like this:

Herve Leger by Max Azria - image via nymag.com

Sincerely,

The Supreme Co-Leaders of the People's Republic of Thighastan (aka Gracey's Thighs)

Merry Christmas!

I wanted to take time this Christmas Eve to wish all of you, Most Dearest Reader Friends, a happy, safe and Merry Christmas.  

As you’re out dashing through the snow to grandma’s house, please be careful.  You don’t want this to be you: 

Not driving?  Riding your horse through the sagebrush instead?  You be careful too:

Note: I have it on good authority that the World Order of Squirrels (WOS) bribed the artist to put in a jackrabbit instead of the squirrel that actually caused this accident.  That’s right, the rabbit was framed!

Also, remember that you don’t have to go out looking for Santa:

If you’ve been good, he’ll show up bearing gifts:

(Unless, of course, he’s been kidnapped by the WOS and then we’re all screwed).

Speaking of gifts, if you receive one of these, you were NOT good:

Image via Abbots Hollow Studios

Seriously, this wallet will eat your face while you’re asleep.  Or, it will open a portal to hell, as happened in the classic 1987 film, The Gate.  Either way, if you receive one of these you should be afraid.  Be very afraid.

Speaking of eating, if you’re planning on having lobster for Christmas dinner, keep an eye on it so that it’s not liberated by a mouse:

Little known fact, in 1872, the mice and lobsters of the world met in Bar Harbor, Maine and signed The Great Rodent-Crustacean Pact, wherein the mice agreed to rescue any lobsters on land and the lobsters agreed to rescue any mice at sea.  That’s why lobster is so expensive; restaurants have to pay for extra guards.  And that's also why you never hear the phrase “drowned mouse,” only “drowned rat,” because the lobsters don’t let the mice drown. True story.

But, that’s enough history for today; it’s Christmas! 

I hope it’s lovely and filled with pink angels and baby animals (yes, even squirrels) for all of you!

Gracey

Happy Thanksgiving!

Today is Thanksgiving here in the US.  And, while I know some of you have been up for hours showing off cooking, I wanted to share some helpful hints for a successful Thanksgiving, illustrated with some vintage photos, pictures and postcards, before it gets too late in the day. 

Helpful Hint # 1

As you and your friends and family gather to eat and smoke the after-dinner peace-pipe, wear clothes.  I wore this outfit last Thanksgiving and not only did it make our annual charades game more x-rated than it should have been, I dropped hot ash on the girls.  The girls do not like hot ash.


Helpful Hint # 2

Not sure what to wear now that the loincloth bikini idea has been nixed?  May I suggest a little shine and a face-framing collar?  It's festive, it's seasonally appropriate and it's turkey-approved.


Helpful Hint # 3

Be nice to your turkey.  Is it not enough that you've been eating his kin since you could chew solid foods?  Do you have to enslave him too?

Instead, you should purchase a lovely hat (or some spats, turkeys love spats) for your turkey.  It's just the polite thing to do.


Helpful Hint # 4

When you're nice to turkeys, they're nice to you.  Little known fact, wild turkeys often carve Thanksgiving greetings into pumpkins for those who've treated them well (and bought them spats).


And finally, I just want to wish you all a sunshiny heart and say that I hope your sunshiny heart ripens your Thanksgiving blessings.

See you all Monday!

Gracey