My Favorite Fashion Week Trends

I've been meaning to write this post for the past month, but I figure today is as good a day as any to talk about my favorite trends from the Fall/Winter 2014 Fashion Shows.

Sexy Rickets

First up we have a look I like to call sexy rickets.  I've personally always loved the look of bow legs, but my parents couldn't afford a horse and it's too late to dedicate years to malnutrition and the eventually bowing of my poor, malnourished bones.  Happily, the boots from Alexander Wang's Fall 2014 Ready to Wear line does the work for you, giving you the illusion of bow legs without the actual disfigurement.  Win win!

Hello, Kitty

Apparently 2014, like 2013, is going to be the Year of the Crotch.   If you're an exhibitionist, this is your year.  Several designers sent down looks that flash, embellish and otherwise present your lady bits in ways  that allow any passerby to say hello to your kitty without even having to know your name!  We have the floral faux merkin, the always-subtle crotch window, and the otherwise modest dress cut up to your hip bones.  If you're proud of your waxer and want to show off their fine, fine work, this trend is for you.

The Advertorial

This is one of the more altruistic trends (although, I guess Hello, Kitty is pretty altruistic too depending on where you wear it) to come down the runway.  Every year, companies spend millions of dollars on advertising and they may not ever recoup those monies in revenue.  That's where designers like Jeremy Scott for Moschino and Anya Hindmarch come in.  They've come up with a way to allow you, the consumer, to advertise for your favorite beer/chocolate/chips/cereal without the company having to pay a dime.  No, instead, you, the consumer, buy your favorite advertorial piece and the company gets free advertising.  If this catches on, we can save those poor companies millions of dollars a year!

Pantaloonacy

Needless to say, my thighs are all over this trend.  They believe that every woman should have thighs the size of small countries and with these pants, everyone can.  Not only do they make your hips, thighs and derriere larger, they're perfect for pairing with that newsboy cap you've been itching to wear!

Futuristic Artists' Commune

If there is anything my years of watching futuristic films have taught me, it's that we'll all be wearing soft, shapeless, soothing layers of non-colors in the future.  Well, for several designers, the future is now.  And it's taking place in an artists' commune.  Just look at these and tell me they wouldn't be equally perfect for years of deep sleep as you travel to your home on Glorgon-9 and for painting the seven moons of Glorgon-9 once you get there and join your kibbutz.  Right?  Right.

April Fools!  These are, obviously, some of the trends I found to be the most ridiculous for Fall 2014.  I'd totally take that striped Marc Jacobs bag though.  I'm just sayin.'

Happy Monday, All!

Gracey

Note: All images via nymag.com

PSA: Rise of the Merkins

I am here today to talk about what I’m afraid is becoming an increasingly real threat to the fashion world.  I am here to talk about the rise of the merkins.

What, you ask, is a merkin?

This is a merkin:

Image via pincurlmag.com

Still not sure what you’re looking at?  Well, it’s a wig for your nethers.  

And why would one need a nethers wig?  

Historically, it was worn by women who had shaved down there to combat lice, because Brazillians weren’t in style then and it was cold.  Merkins were also used by prostitutes to disguise the presence of a disease like syphilis.  Back in the day, prostitutes used to attract johns by flashing their lady parts at passersby.  Of course, they didn’t want those potential johns knowing they were diseased, so they put on their merkins and, et voila, Sally Streetwalker no longer looks like her lady bits are starring in The Walking Dead.

But, Gracey, all of that was so long ago, why are you bringing it up now?  

You’re right, merkins were used back in the 15^th century, but they are actually still used today; albeit for a different purpose.  Nowadays, merkins are used mostly by actors and actresses who adhere to today’s no-hair-anywhere grooming standards and need some hair for a period piece.  But, that is not the threat I’m speaking of.

No, I’m talking about the rise of merkin-looking bits attached to so-called high-fashion garments.

For example, designer Stephane Rolland sent this down the runway earlier this year:

Image NewBerry.ru via Pinterest

I don’t know about you, but to me, that looks like nothing so much as a fancy, two-tone merkin attached to a dress.  With a chest merkin added for good measure.

And, then, during last week’s Project Runway All-Stars, Wendy Pepper created this:

Image via Lifetime

Image via Lifetime

Yes, you are looking at a little black dress embellished with a little lace merkin.

Marchesa also loves the addition of a lace merkin to a gown:

Image via mbfashionweek.com

Although, in their defense, I guess this could be considered a lady-bit-mustache instead of a merkin, but, is that really better?

For S/S 2013 Marchesa continued their merkin additions to their gowns.  This time around they tried a little can’t-see-the-forest-for-the-trees misdirection, but I think we all know what we’re looking at here:

Image via mbfashionweek.com

Yep, a dress covered in Santa-merkins.

Now, if you, my Dear Reader Friends, are as appalled by this merkin-wear as I am, I beg you, be vigilant.  Don’t buy skirts, dresses, or God forbid, pants with bits of fluff, lace or fringe attached to the pelvis.  Designers will continue to send their merkin-wear down the runway, and if there is anything I learned from The Devil Wear Prada (aside from Chanel = multiple necklaces), it’s that what starts in high-fashion, inevitably ends up on the streets.  So, when you see merkin-embellished clothes creeping into the next H&M collaboration, be strong and resist.  I mean, really, do you want to look like you and your lady bits are hiding something?

 Gracey