Monday, October 29, 2012

PSA: Rise of the Merkins



I am here today to talk about what I’m afraid is becoming an increasingly real threat to the fashion world.  I am here to talk about the rise of the merkins.

What, you ask, is a merkin?

This is a merkin:

Image via pincurlmag.com

Still not sure what you’re looking at?  Well, it’s a wig for your nethers.  

And why would one need a nethers wig?  

Historically, it was worn by women who had shaved down there to combat lice, because Brazillians weren’t in style then and it was cold.  Merkins were also used by prostitutes to disguise the presence of a disease like syphilis.  Back in the day, prostitutes used to attract johns by flashing their lady parts at passersby.  Of course, they didn’t want those potential johns knowing they were diseased, so they put on their merkins and, et voila, Sally Streetwalker no longer looks like her lady bits are starring in The Walking Dead.

But, Gracey, all of that was so long ago, why are you bringing it up now?  

You’re right, merkins were used back in the 15th century, but they are actually still used today; albeit for a different purpose.  Nowadays, merkins are used mostly by actors and actresses who adhere to today’s no-hair-anywhere grooming standards and need some hair for a period piece.  But, that is not the threat I’m speaking of.

No, I’m talking about the rise of merkin-looking bits attached to so-called high-fashion garments.

For example, designer Stephane Rolland sent this down the runway earlier this year:

Image NewBerry.ru via Pinterest

I don’t know about you, but to me, that looks like nothing so much as a fancy, two-tone merkin attached to a dress.  With a chest merkin added for good measure.

And, then, during last week’s Project Runway All-Stars, Wendy Pepper created this:

Image via Lifetime

Image via Lifetime

Yes, you are looking at a little black dress embellished with a little lace merkin.


Marchesa also loves the addition of a lace merkin to a gown:

Image via mbfashionweek.com

Although, in their defense, I guess this could be considered a lady-bit-mustache instead of a merkin, but, is that really better?

For S/S 2013 Marchesa continued their merkin additions to their gowns.  This time around they tried a little can’t-see-the-forest-for-the-trees misdirection, but I think we all know what we’re looking at here:

Image via mbfashionweek.com

Yep, a dress covered in Santa-merkins.

Now, if you, my Dear Reader Friends, are as appalled by this merkin-wear as I am, I beg you, be vigilant.  Don’t buy skirts, dresses, or God forbid, pants with bits of fluff, lace or fringe attached to the pelvis.  Designers will continue to send their merkin-wear down the runway, and if there is anything I learned from The Devil Wear Prada (aside from Chanel = multiple necklaces), it’s that what starts in high-fashion, inevitably ends up on the streets.  So, when you see merkin-embellished clothes creeping into the next H&M collaboration, be strong and resist.  I mean, really, do you want to look like you and your lady bits are hiding something?

 Gracey

35 comments:

  1. Gracey, you are a bloody comedy genius, yes you are!
    Who knew designers were incorporating the merkin into their frocks now? Mark my words, the wheel will turn full circle, and the full-on retro bush will be back in fashion before you know it (for some of us, it never went out... Oh, tmi?) and then we will have no need for fringes, lacy bits and merkin-esque prints on our dresses.
    Comedy gold, my dear! xxxxx

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    1. Curtise, Amen, Sistah! Not tmi, sweetie, just keepin' it real!

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  2. NOW I know what we are looking at here. Jay-sus, what enlightenment you've shed. No way I'm gonna be hoo-doo'd into wearing one of these...disguised as a ... what-not :o

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  3. Aack! Thank you for teaching me something new today! I'm not sure I wanted to know that, but I'm sure I can use my new vocabulary word soon!!!

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  4. I had no idea where this was going, but then i chuckled. well done ;)

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  5. YIKES!!!!! Hahaha merkins are one thing (even the name grosses me out) but lace and Santa merkins? Whole new level of weirdness! Wigs for nether regions, even stranger than vajazzling!

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  6. omg, it's too late at night to be laughing this hard. I'm sure I just woke the neighbors. Best post I have read this year.

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  7. HAHAHA! This might be the funniest post I've ever seen :) But I think the first dress looks like actual nether-regions hanging off, not just merkins. And it's not a great look.

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  8. Gracey, you're hilarious :))))
    I promise - no merkins. Not even for Halloween.

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  9. OK, this was hilarious to wake up to, and you're right; those suspiciously-placed bits of fluff and fringe do, indeed, look pubic in nature.

    I am too old to even think about willingly submitting to a Brazilian wax.

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  10. Gracey! That is SO funny!!! And the fashion world's fascination with a woman's crotch continues! Serene

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  11. HAHAHA Gracey you never cease to amaze me! THis was hysterical, now that I think about it I actually have a few merkin dresses in my closet! I don't think I will ever look at them the same way again. Just curious, this merkin wig business, how on earth did you even come up with it? Was it just a bit of random information you had tucked away which leads me to wonder, at what stage does one acquire the knowledge of merkins anyway? Either way it makes for a great read.

    xx Jenee C.
    {camo meets couture}

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  12. I am in pain from laughing! I love to see this trend as I am rather Old School. And that's all I'm gonna say about that : >

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  13. I can't believe I read this post at work. Hahaha. Fun fact, that was also the last name of the female pastor who married us. Some of my immature guy friends had a field day with that one.

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  14. Snicker...Woe betide us! Nether hair on the outside of dresses, will nothing stop these dastardly fiends?

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  15. I had to read this out loud to my husband because it was so funny. Way to brighten my day and his.

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  16. Great post! I love that you had some old school facts in here! Love to learn new things!

    Rebecca
    www.winnipegstyle.ca

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  17. Hahahahahaa!! Oh my gosh, Gracey, you just about made me fall off of my chair.

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  18. HAHAHAH i had to read it twice i was laughing so hard xo great post! xo

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  19. Gracey this post is hilarious and perfect! I couldn't stop laughing as I read it. Thank you so much for bringing this horrifying and hairy fashion blunder to our attention. I pledge that you will never see me in a merkin or merkin embellished pieces EVER! Promise!

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  20. HAhAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH. I don't even know what else to say. This post is amazing!

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  21. OMG! I love you, and yes i shall be ever vigilant, never shall a merkin grace my clothing (or my body for that matter)!

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  22. As your sister and BEST friend I always love your writing but this was soooo funny and in a kinda creepy way informative! Well done!

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  23. My my, you never know when you are going to learn something new and totally weird. I promise, cross my heart, that I will never buy or wear anything merkin-like, ever. :-D

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  24. Best. Post. Ever.

    I'm trying to type something sort of sensible, but I've got tears just streaming down my face as I'm laughing. You are the best blogger ever, hands down!

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  25. AHHH it looks horrible!!! - did make me laugh a LOT though...
    Great post Gracey x

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  26. That's our Gracey, finger on the hmm pulse of today! If anything positive can be gleaned from this concerning phenomenon, the Santa merkins do suggest that the barrier of ageism in fashion may be disintegrating. :)

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  27. ROFLBO!!! I've seen stuff like that merkin perched on bald dudes HEADS!!

    And people thought I was freaky about discussing vajazzlking!!

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  28. As a historian of early modern England I just adore this. For reals.

    Courtney ~ http://sartorialsidelines.com

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  29. I had no idea such thing existed and I have no intention of buying something but I was wondering-do men find this sexy?You have any idea?

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  30. HAHA! This is hilarious. And completely terrifying. I solemnly swear to never join the merkin-clad croud.

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  31. LOL, too funny, too weird and wrong.

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